The Cheney’s family story began with heartbreaking loss, after they experienced a still born birth and several miscarriages. When they visited an infertility doctor and found out nothing appeared to be physically wrong, they moved forward with an application for a domestic adoption. Adoption had been on their heart prior to their still birth and miscarriages so they decided it was time to move forward. Six weeks after submitting their application their agency contacted them, and they met London’s birth mother. Heather was able to go to Lamaze classes with her and even when she was placed on bedrest Heather continued to attend them by herself. “I got to experience London’s birth from the dad’s perspective,” Heather said, “I got to cut the cord, and I was the first to hold her.”
Back row: Yosef, Heather, Capri, Geneva, London, Mahlet, Adam Front row: Milan and Eyerusalem
Heather also shared having gone through her pregnancy losses allowed her to empathize with London’s birth mother. “I knew what it felt like leaving the hospital with empty arms.” To this day London has an open relationship with her birth mother. Shortly after she came home with them from the hospital she became pregnant with their daughter Geneva. Capri was then born two years after Geneva. At this time, Adam and Heather began to think about international adoption.
“The difference between international adoption and domestic adoption is very different,” Heather said, “In domestic adoption many families are waiting for a child, with international adoption many children are waiting for a family.” Their journey with international adoption lead them to Ethiopia and to a baby named Yosef. They soon discovered though that Yosef was part of a sibling group of three, whose mother had passed away. The oldest was 10, and the second sibling, Mahlet was 7. They had mixed feelings about adopting a child older than any of their other children. But, when she learned the name of the oldest sibling, Eyerusalem (Jersusalem) she felt God’s assurance that she would fit right in. She and Adam already had London, Geneva, and Capri. Each named after a city from around the world.
She and Adam felt peace about adopting the three siblings, but it is unusual to adopt older children that will change the birth order of your existing children. So, they had to convince the social workers this was in the best interest of their whole family. London, five at the time, saw the photos of the three children, and said to Heather, “you could be their mommy and daddy.” In the end, it was agreed it was better to keep all three of the children together even if it would change the birth order.
The whole family traveled to Ethiopia for what they thought would be six weeks. Adam, a firefighter at the time, had accrued enough vacation time for about two months off of work. During their time in Ethiopia they learned as much about the culture and food as possible. They wanted to continue to share with the children their Ethiopian heritage when they joined them in the United States. The adoption process went through quickly for Eyerusalem and Mahlet, but things stalled with Yosef’s adoption.
Heather found herself taking care of the four kids by herself in an apartment in another country. Adam returned to the United States for his job. He worked a full month as much as possible, and then rejoined them. At this time Heather stayed with the kids and tried to visit Yosef in the orphanage every couple of days. Eyerusalem and Mahlet were given a lot of precious time just to play. The whole process took about four months until everything was finalized. The prolonged time gave Heather a glimpse at what living in a foreign country would be like. She and Adam had wondered if they could live overseas, and this was a good trial run. Later they moved to Kenya as an entire family unit. That’s a story for another time though.
“The first year of going from a family of three to six was a blur,” Heather said. Most of the first year was having the kids progress in their English and adjust to a different way of living. Heather wore Yosef almost 24/7 in a sling to bond with him. At one and a half years old this ended up giving her some knee trouble, but it brought them closer. Yousef struggled to not be afraid of Adam, because he had never encountered men at all. The orphanage was completely run by women.
Even though switching from three to six children was a tremendous change for the family, she attributes Eyerusalem, Mahlet, and Yosef’s ability to adjust so well to the fact that they stayed together. They were able to support each other. Several years later, Milan was born and this completed their family. The Cheney family then went from six to seven.
Heather shared some advice about adoption. “Do not romanticize it and to do your research so you know the challenges that can come.” For the church family, she’d encourage people to support adoptive parents as much as when a mother has a newborn baby. Take them meals and support them with their other kids. Even though they didn’t physically give birth, they are still going through a major adjustment. Lastly, words matter, and sometimes asking a mother which are her biological children and which are the adoptive ones can hurt. “They are all my children.”
