Grandparenting with intention

Diane Enger shares her delight in being a grandma and a bit of advice for other grandparents.

Tell us about your grandchildren.

Our Wisconsin grandchildren belong to our son and his wife.  They are Levi (9), Josiah (6), and Lucia (3) and Baby On the Way.  Our Rochester grandchildren, Savannah (7) and Grace (3), belong to our daughter and her husband.

What is a typical day in grandma life?

A typical day in grandma mode is usually at our house while mom and dad are at work.  We help out once or twice a week.  We stay in close touch with our grown kids as to how much we can handle which is appreciated.  We play with lots of various toys which we keep at our house.  Some were mommy’s and uncle’s and some are new.  Garage sales and thrift stores are great for looking for something different than what they have at home.  We walk to the park or play outside in nice weather.  We pretend (play house, camping, school, church…yup; when mommy was little she played church and I still have her hand written bulletin!).  We cook and bake when they’re in the mood.  We have healthy snacks they like (and a little candy). Encourage reading or listening for pre-readers.  They all love art work and are quite creative.  

How do you encourage your children in their parenting?

We respect their choices and have boundaries.  For example, they are allowed very limited show time.  We have the kids do other things on a list of activities before they choose screen time.  When having screen time we stay nearby to make sure they are watching shows their parents allow.  And it gives us time to sit and enjoy a cup of tea to regain our energy!

We encourage our children’s parenting styles by complimenting them on what is going well.  For example, how polite their children are, if they were good listeners on a given “grandma day.”  The teacher in me is always looking for successes to celebrate.  If they are struggling we encourage and promise to pray.  For example, on a day of a temper tantrum when one didn’t want to go home, we stayed out of the way so the parent could discipline and attempt to calm the child.  I made sure both the adult and the child knew we loved them and that we would pray for them.  

How can you stay connected to grandchildren who are far away?

If grandchildren live far away there are fun things you can do to stay connected.  Our son’s family were far away for awhile.  We made or received video calls; we sang together, read books, and you can pray together!  You can send cards with stickers inside, you can order something fun or special from a delivery service to deliver to their house.  One year we ordered a subscription kit that was something the kids could build.  Something that was STEM approved and very creative.  (Science, tech, engineering, math)  They really enjoyed it and made a video call to show us what the project can do.

What do you want your grandchildren to remember about you?

What we would want our grandchildren to remember is all the play time we enjoyed together, encouraged individual skills, and that we loved them and prayed for them.  For example, last month we enjoyed a Nerf battle with our grandsons and our son in the basement on a cold day.  We had cardboard box forts and I sewed Nerf dart pouches.  We had the boys wear protective eye goggles.  We laughed SO hard and kept at it for over an hour while their little sister napped.  I’ll always remember that and I hope they will too!

How do you share your grandkids with their other grandparents?

When there are other grandparents  in the kids’ lives, we need to be respectful and not jealous.  When I was new at grand-parenting I used to be a bit jealous that one set of grandparents had more time with our first grandchild than we did due to distance.  I learned I had to give that up and enjoy the times we do get together and not be envious of other’s times.  

Do you have an idea for a legacy gift?

Last year for one Christmas gift, I copied all my favorite Psalms into a booklet and had them printed professionally.  I gave one to each child.  Even if they don’t appreciate it much while they’re little, I hope they will when they are older.  I cherish things written by my grandparents that I still have.  

Diane Enger
Diane Enger is wife to Bob and mom to Jonathon, who pastors East Balsam Baptist Church in Balsam Lake, WI, and is married with 4 children. She is also mom to Kari who is married to Joshua Kaus. They attend Calvary with their two little girls. Diane substitute teaches at Schaeffer, gives piano lessons, and has a sewing alteration business called Diane’s Designs. She enjoys leading worship with other musicians at the 11:00 service.