Devotional: At the corners friendship

by Jill Pearson

The first time I met Emma Barnhart, she had just moved back to the states after living as a missionary with her young family in Ukraine.  I invited her and the kids over for a playdate, where we drank some lemonade on the porch, got to know each other, and witnessed our daughters bond by rescuing a vole from the mouth of our dog.  

Her family returned from their missionary work because Emma had breast cancer and wanted US medical care.  I had the privilege of walking alongside her from the beginning of her journey, through her first round of treatment, then 5 years of remission, then through her second diagnosis, her rapid decline, and her final days on earth.  My great delight is picturing her worshiping at the throne, big blue eyes glistening, long arms lifted high, just as she did on earth.

Emma had ample family and church support during this harrowing journey, but she also had “at the corner” friends…Karmen, Vicki, and me.  What do I mean by that?  Well, there’s a story in Mark 2 about a paralytic who was healed of both his sins and his physical ailment by Jesus.  His friends carry him on the mat to the Messiah.  It wasn’t easy…

4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

A couple things strike me about this passage.  The friends were bold and went to exceptional lengths, hoisting, DIGGING THROUGH A ROOF (wow), lowering the mat, and trusting.  When Jesus saw their collective faith, he forgave the sins of the paralytic and later in the story, healed him physically.  

Being “at the corners” for each other became a running mantra between the four of us.  We took turns on the mat, depending on whose life was temporarily upturned on any particular day.   I even wrote and recorded a song called “At the Corners.” You can listen to it HERE. I don’t want to romanticize our friendship.  Friendships are imperfect works of art, but based on the story of the paralytic, they are championed by God.  How does one go from casual friendship to an “at the corners” friendship?  

• Affinity…friendships usually begin with sharing a common interest or stage of life.  Faith in Christ is a beautiful common bond that is the origin of many friendships.  The four of us also had the common bonds of worship, women’s ministry, and homeschooling.  

• Suffering…when a friend shares a deep burden, the friendship often puts down deepening roots.  It’s delightful to have easy, light-hearted friendships where you are always laughing and enjoying fun things together, but the deep concern and affection born of suffering together and serving each other is a sacred gift.

• Intentionality and time commitment…the friendships of mine that have thrived are the ones in which I’ve committed to meeting regularly, putting coffee or walking dates on the calendar at regular intervals, and assuring my friends that they can reach out day or night.  Participating in a small group is a great way to enable this type of friendship.  

I have talked to many women who have not been able to find this level of friendship at Calvary (yet.)  It’s not a spiritual requirement that your closest friends are in the church, but it’s worth making the effort to invest in those relationships, because you’re investing not only in a relationship but in a community with a unified mission.

I think we all know that seasons of life change, and friendships often redefine themselves.  This happened to Karmen, Vicki and me.  We are now at different stages of life, Vicki is at a different church, and we don’t see each other very often.  The drift apart is normal but bittersweet.  Last spring, the three of us spent a weekend at an AirBnb together, and thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting.  We will always be able to text each other for instant prayer and support, even if our face to face time is limited. That’s the legacy of “at the corner” friendships.  A treasure, indeed.

Note:  October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Remember to self-check your ladies regularly and schedule timely mammograms.