Intentional connection: date night ideas for your new year

by Jill Pearson, Melissa Meyers, and Karyn Grenz

I (Jill) heard recently that if your face doesn’t light up and your shoulders don’t relax when your spouse gets home after a day apart, your marriage could use some attention.  It’s a good litmus test on marital health.  

As we pondered January’s theme “Fresh Page,” we thought it would be fun to share date night ideas.  It’s easy to let the tyranny of the urgent crowd out time spent with our husbands.  Perhaps January can be your fresh page of intentional investment in your marriage.   

Each of us shared some ideas that have helped keep our 20+ year marriages strong and fun. 

Ideas from Melissa (married 23 years)

Small: Monday Night Hot Chocolate on the Couch Date Nights

A few years ago, John and I struggled to even have time to connect with our busy schedules (as a nurse working rotating shifts and weekends)and kids activities. We instigated a Monday night touch point, where instead of going out, because that takes time to plan and drive. We would make hot chocolate, take over the living room, letting the kids know we had it for the next hour. No interruptions. We would take the time to chat and connect. It sounds small, but it made a huge difference in how we felt connected throughout the rest of the week.

Medium: When we go out, we try a restaurant where we can talk. We don’t have a favorite one as there are so many in the Rochester area, we usually like to try something new. Connecting and catching up on how things are going in each other’s lives are very important for us during date night. It is so nice to get out of the house, and talk about something other than what we need to get done. As a family, we like to do activities together, so John and I don’t often have active date nights besides eating out at a restaurant. 

Large: We had great marriage advice given to us before we were married to always make sure you celebrate your anniversary every year. Because our first child, Malcolm was born on our third year anniversary, a birthday party always took precedence on the actual day. So, we would make sure that once a year around our anniversary or sometimes we would bump it to the fall, where we would go away together. For our getaways, they are usually MidWest spots, bed and breakfasts or resorts, but one year we did a cruise. The most romantic within a two hour driving distance that I would highly recommend is Canoe Bay, a couple’s resort in Chetek Wisconsin. LODGING | canoebay It’s really beautiful in the fall. 

Ideas from Jill (married 31 years)

Small: find a game you both enjoy and play it regularly after dinner, just the two of you.  Cribbage is a good one.  Find a way to exercise together…perhaps an evening walk or bike ride or a pickleball league.  Consider serving together at a food shelf or other non-profit.  It’s tempting when kids are young to want to do all these things as a family, but remember who you have to live with after the kids launch!  

Medium: We have eaten out together most weeks for over 30 years, even in the lean years when dinner plus babysitter was a steep expense.  We decided it was cheaper than therapy!  Last year, we made an alphabetical list of all the Rochester restaurants and tried to eat our way through the alphabet, trying many new restaurants.  On a recent Wednesday, I surprised Dave with dinner at Burger King (my least favorite…but he loves a Whopper!) followed by the high school drum line play-off.  Sometimes a sweet little surprise is in order.  Following “Rochester Local” on Instagram is a good way to see what our city has to offer on a weekly basis.

Large: Enlist the grandparents to babysit and go on a trip together.  I know many wives who join their husbands on work trips (or visa versa.) When our kids were young, we enjoyed cruises because they were relaxing and reasonably priced, but weekend get-aways are fun, too.  Since becoming empty nesters, we’ve enjoyed more adventurous trips that we have to train together for, like biking across Iowa or hiking the Inca Trail.  Hiking the Alps is next on our bucket list!  

Ideas from Karyn (married 23 years)

Small: Choose to value the person DAILY. Say it, write it, and believe it! 

Medium: Once monthly date nights. When the kids were young, this meant tucking them in upstairs and having a later dinner just the two of us at our own kitchen table. Now, it’s at least a few hours out of the house, pre-planned and looking sharp for each other! 

Large: Every other year instead of Christmas gifts, we take a long weekend get-away together. Typically, it’s the first weekend in December, which allows us to connect and focus before all the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. We’ve collected ornaments from all the places we’ve gone, which usually center around a Christmas market or parade! 

Bonus ideas from Karyn’s small group

This year, instead of a white elephant exchange, our small group decided to do something different – a date night swap! On the heels of a marriage study that we’d just completed, we thought this would be an enticing way to get out and enjoy our city of Rochester from each other’s perspective of fun. The rules were simple, with a $50 budget, plan a day or evening experience that encourages together time with your spouse. We did put an expiration date on the dates and decided we needed photo proof to be shown at small group of the date completion! 

We had four entirely different entries:

1) Downtown Date – Grab a slice of pizza and a soda a Pasquale’s Pizzeria (pnpizza.com) then go to Old School Entertainment (theoldschoolarcade.com/rochester) for either axe throwing or old games like Q-bert or Guitar Hero. 

2) Mystery Date – Spyhouse Coffee (spyhousecoffee.com) to get fueled for Escape Room (unraveledescape.com) and even included a recipe for “Marry Me Chicken” to cook together at home afterwards. 

3) Coffee and Conversation – Aqui Coffee (aqui.coffee/) for a cuppa and conversation amongst the greenery and then a matinee at CMX ChateauTheatres (cmxcinemas.com/locationdetail/chateau) 

4) Broadway Bonanza – Lunch at Pannekoeken (www.hollandberrypannekoeken.com) with included conversation starters, followed by games at The Machine Shed (machineshedmn.com/local-rochester-arcade) and a little vintage shopping to follow at Old Rooster Antiques (oldroosterantiques.com).