Turning the page after losing a son

by Jenny Garmers

Greetings. My husband, Rick, and I have been attending Calvary for two years.

We met when I was 7-years-old and Rick was 9.  We grew up in the same neighborhood and as children, often spending time together playing hide and seek, kick the can, riding bikes and doing a lot of teasing each other.  Later that teasing turn to an attraction, and here we are 54 years later.  One thing I like about Rick is that he keeps the child alive in me.  If you’ve met him, you’ll understand why.  He also is an artist and a great baker of cookies, cakes, and other sweet treats.

Rick and I had plans for how we were going to build our family, however we weren’t able to conceive.  God had other plans for us, and we adopted our children from South Korea.  Our daughter, Megan, came home at 3 months and is now 45, self-employed and living in New York City and London, England.  She is a loving, caring, and supportive daughter who fills our lives with joy.  Our son, Micah, came home at 4 months old.  With Micah, we went on a journey we wouldn’t have chosen.  In 1996 at the age of 14, Micah passed away in his sleep.  He had no symptoms of illness, no fever, no runny nose, nothing.  He was his normal self.  The day before he died, we all went on a bike ride and he’d been at the ice rink for hockey camps.  A pathologist at Mayo who attended our church performed an autopsy on Micah and said a virus attacked the beating mechanism of his heart.

Family members grieved differently.  Megan was so strong. She had a strong support system in her youth group friends.  They loved her, cared for her, supported her, and that was so important.  Rick compartmentalized his grief.  He could go to work and come home, but he wanted to fix it.  He had a strong circle of Christian men who loved and supported him and kept him in prayer.  I struggled. I was angry at God. I thought he had made a mistake.  I checked out for about a year.  I remember looking out the window at my neighborhood and being upset everyone else’s world was going on and mine stopped.  Our family, friends and church carried us, especially me.  A friend showed up at our door one evening with a list of names of people who were praying for me around the clock.  I know the value of that prayer.  I don’t think I would be here today without it.  Our Sunday School class had created a schedule to take care of everything from meals to cleaning our house for the next months. That’s what we do as Christians, we are the hands and feet of Jesus to others.

The other handsome gentleman in the picture is our grandson, Zachary. He’s 21 and lives in New York City, too.  Currently, he’s been acting and modeling.  He’s been in a few movies and TV shows like Blue Bloods, East New York, Law & Order as well as in a few commercials.  I tell him I think he lives in Oz.

Belle, our black lab at 92 pounds, keeps us moving.  We also have a cat, Maddie Cat.  When I was putting the photo together, I asked Maddie Cat if she wanted to be in the picture, and she meowed. I took that as a yes.

As for me, I enjoy photography and quilting.  I’m a frustrated knitter, but I have a friend who keeps me on task.  In the summer, I love sitting on my deck with the sun warming me as I read.  I know that’s a foretaste of heaven.  Rick and I enjoy being outside, and since retiring, we are trying to hike as many state parks in Minnesota, and some out of state.

I identify with Psalm 139:16, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  I eventually held on to this verse.  God didn’t make a mistake.  Micah’s days were ordained by God.  

In Isaiah 41:13, God says, “For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” 

I know God’s got a hold of me.  Oftentimes He needs to lift me up and drag me along.  But I do not need to fear because He’s holding my right hand.