by Caroline Church
“My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father….” Marmee March to Jo March (my kindred spirit).
When I headed to the USA in 1994 to work as an au pair, I had no idea the direction my life would take. Looking for connection, the local pastor, who I had just met, invited me to start a social group and gave me a list of names and phone numbers. One of those calls was to Chris – we talked for a couple of hours on that first call and arranged to meet. We both admit we were interested to see each other in person, and Chris will also admit that for the first half of the call he thought I was someone he had met in Germany …. then we met. And all romantic notions immediately fizzled for both of us. But it was the start of a great friendship and of a new social group here in Rochester, MN. We eventually did get together and got married a few years later, but that’s another story.
In 25 years of marriage, we have had many self-inflicted trials, but occasionally situations were out of our control. Most of those times seemed to involve the government as Chris was a US soldier and I was from Northern Ireland, so immigration and complicated government systems became a central part of our relationship and growth. But I still never expected deportation to be in the cards.
I don’t want to forget the feeling of helplessness, though for too long it was entwined with anger and frustration. I naively thought I would breeze in, resolve the issue, and we could all move on….
In 1999 I received a letter from Immigration that they were behind and wouldn’t be scheduling my interview for 2 years. We moved states and submitted our change of address. About 1 year later I received a second letter, forwarded from our old address. Paraphrase follows: “Due to the fact that you have not shown up for your two previously scheduled interviews, all your rights and privileges in the USA have been terminated effective immediately.”
The overriding memory from every visit to immigration was of the grief around us and the sense of dread within us. Many were crying and pleading in broken English or their native language. English was our first language (let’s be real, it’s my only language), and we still couldn’t make sense of what was happening to us. One person was assigned to my case, but we were never allowed to meet with him. His theory was that as I’d received the last letter, I had obviously seen the others and chosen to ignore them. They sent letters for two interviews to our previous address, which we never received as it was illegal for immigration mail to be forwarded. (Who knew?). We are still so thankful to God that the final letter somehow made it to us in Texas. The day before we received that letter, we had driven through a border patrol checkpoint and for whatever reason, they only asked for the driver’s ID. So thankful for protection before we knew it was needed.
Meanwhile, a friend had sent us a book about Joseph’s life in a strange land and the false accusations hurled at him. There’s no mention of Joseph fighting for his innocence or justice, just that “the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor…” It also referenced Jesus’ time on earth and his response to the lies and mockery he endured in his final days. I am not saying our situation was on a par with those, but God spoke to the many parts of me He was refining: my anger, my idea of justice, and my indignation – pride really when it comes down to it. With this on our minds, Chris and I believed that whatever happened, God was asking us to trust Him and remain silent. It took 4 months, but finally we were called into the office of the person deciding my future. He was standing looking out the window. He didn’t acknowledge us, didn’t tell us why we had been summoned – was I leaving or staying? When he asked for all my paperwork was the only time he spoke until he returned my passport with a new visa attached and a warning to make sure I showed up next time. (Footnote: staying silent was tough).
Why does any of this matter? God has used many situations in my life to draw my eyes off myself and onto Him. When I feel helpless, I remember to lean into Him. He has connected me with others who have felt the same frustrations, grief, joy, and sometimes loneliness from being in another culture.
Where am I from? My life started in Belfast, Northern Ireland where my family still lives. Where is my home? Where God has placed my family and I for this season. Who is my family? Chris (Army Hubbie), Eli (Army son), Ciara, Annie, Josiah (resident teens) and all those we get to share our lives with, from all over the world our God created.
How’s the refining going? There are lots more chapters to this book and some still to be written.
Caroline is wife to Chris and Mum to 4 – all of whom have managed to become fluent in other languages while she still struggles with American spelling and pronunciation. She recommends watching the movie Belfast and reading Little Women. Not connected but both valuable.
5 thoughts on “A challenging road to citizenship”
Thanks for sharing!!
We don’t get to know these parts of another’s life when we meet in the hallway
and exchange “how are you?” and receive the ‘pat’ answer “fine.”
(and thank you to Chris for his service)
Such a gut-wrenching story, and Caroline, I know there were so many more challenges. I’ve been amazed with how you’ve dealt with them, and CERTAINLY given back. God bless.
Carol and Ed
Happy to have played a very small partin you lives–nudge from God? When Carol and Chris moved (faith) to live with me in Rochester, who could envision how your story would follow?
I know Caroline’s story is even more intense than what she has written, and I applaud her strength and faith. God bless.
Thank you, Carloline!