Serving at Joni & Friends

by Timber Ashby

In God’s good and perfect design, He created us to be born into families. God knew that every person would need the sacrificial love, safety, and sense of belonging that the family unit offers in order to thrive.

If you made me pick my favorite part of being involved in disability ministry over the years, I would say it’s watching the parents. Funny answer, huh? So what do I mean? 

I’ve seen a 75 year old dad become giddy tickling the toes of his 45 year old daughter as she lays in bed due to the severity of her cerebral palsy. I’ve met a mom who started her own flower farm so that her 19 year old son with autism could have a job that accepted his gifts and limitations. I’ve known a father who plans and hosts elaborate wrestling-themed birthday parties for his 26 year old twin sons with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. This same father left a successful business career to earn his Occupational Therapy master’s degree so he could better care for his sons as their condition progressively affected their mobility.

I am good friends with a retired superintendent who joined a local percussion band so he could play the drums alongside his 36 year old son with autism every week (they are already practicing their songs for their Christmas recital). I’ve seen a 78 year old mom coordinate weekly piano lessons for her 52 year old daughter with Down Syndrome.

Some of the most beautiful and powerful moments I’ve witnessed are parents caring for their adult child with a disability. 

Parenting a child with a disability into adulthood is a journey where the “parent hat” is never really retired and parents often continue to be the primary caretaker, even as the parents themselves age. 

At Joni and Friends retreat this year, the theme was “Family Reunion.” At the beginning of camp, we sang a song that went, “Hey, you! And me…we’re family!” At camp, parents bond with other parents, siblings bond with other siblings, and buddy volunteers offer appreciated companionship to everyone.  Throughout the many fun camp activities—like boat rides, afternoons at the pool, a carnival, an awesome dance party (shout out to DJ Pastor Brian), and a talent show—a new bigger “family” is formed, united by the shared experience of caring for a family member with complex needs and a shared belief that God works everything for His good.  

Throughout the week, I heard questions from parents like, who will care for their loved one when they no longer can or when the parent passes away? What happens when their child’s group home faces financial uncertainty? How are they to learn how to navigate the complex medical and insurance system for their child? 

Scripture is not silent in the face of these questions. Deuteronomy 1:29-31 says, “Do not be in dread or afraid. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’”

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Timber and her husband Ben first joined Calvary three years ago when they moved to Rochester for Ben’s pediatrics residency. They have since relocated to Omaha, Nebraska for Ben’s next round of medical training, but they continue to keep up the many friendships they made through Calvary’s youth ministry, the band, and their small group. Timber and Ben recently welcomed their first child, a baby girl named Halle, who has been keeping them busy with her smiles and wiggles.