by Kristi Muston
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Change is usually hard for me. I have a Type-A personality that thrives on predictability, accomplishment, and to-do lists. While I have gone through many seasons of change in my life, one of the hardest ones has been making the switch from a full-time English teacher to a stay-at-home mother. I have always had the desire to be a stay-at-home mom, but I quickly learned that caring for an infant–-and now a toddler–-is anything but predictable. In the first six months of Sophia’s life, I felt mostly in survival mode…between nursing around the clock and working to get Sophia on some kind of sleep schedule (and trying to sleep myself), sometimes my greatest “accomplishment” was taking a shower that day.
My first few months as a stay-at-home mom were far more isolating than I ever expected it to be. While I treasured being home with Sophia, I missed adult conversation and human interaction. I also struggled with a sense of “lost purpose.” In my career, I had a clear sense of purpose and could reflect on moments of success throughout the day. Suddenly, it felt like all I was doing was changing diapers, cleaning up spit-up, and feeding our infant. All of these are important elements of parenting in those early days, but I found it hard to find any meaningful purpose in that. At the same time, I struggled with “mom guilt.” I knew I needed to take a break at times, but felt guilty about leaving Sophia with someone else because my role was to be the parent home with her. I often felt guilty for asking for help because I believed I should be able to do it all myself. After all, this is what I wanted to do.
Looking back now, I realize how much I relied on my own strength, rather than on God’s strength. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12: 9-10). We need God’s strength to get through everything in life.
Slowly over time, God changed my perspective (solid sleep certainly helped too!). He helped me to see accomplishment and purpose within the season I’m in. As Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes: “there is a season for every activity under the sun” (Ecc. 3:1). Right now, I am in a season where my biggest accomplishment of the day might be completing a load of laundry, or managing to make dinner while also keeping an eye on my toddler running around the kitchen. I also allow myself the chance to daily rest when Sophia does. It may not look like crossing items off a long to-do list, and I may not be able to list more than two or three things I’ve done in the day outside of chasing Sophia around, but God has shown me that these activities are important work too. I have learned that during this season, my main task is to build memories with our daughter and to help her grow in independence.
This has certainly gotten easier as Sophia gets older, and we now can have a rhythm to the day that feels somewhat more predictable. As Sophia grows in independence, I can accomplish more in the day. But most importantly, I’ve gained community and fellowship with other moms. God has challenged me to reach out to other moms in town, and He has helped me build close friendships with a few moms that I connect with for playdates regularly. I also got involved in Renovare, and the weekly fellowship with other women encourages me throughout the week. Plus, Sophia loves playing in the childcare every week; she often runs into church with a huge smile on her face!
As I walked through this season of change, God helped me find a new purpose and identity. While I will always be a Type-A person who craves routine, God reminds me regularly of the importance of the work I am now doing. I am, alongside my husband, guiding Sophia to live faithfully in this broken world, and to understand the love God has for her. We are seeking God’s wisdom as we raise our children and build up our family. God has blessed us with the ability for me to be home with Sophia during these formative years, and while it feels a lot different than the busy days of my teaching career, I have learned to find fulfillment, contentment, and rest even in the chaotic moments.
Soon, we will be transitioning from one child to two, and while I can only anticipate some of the challenges that life with a newborn and an energetic toddler will bring–especially in those sleep-deprived moments–I can rest in knowing that God will be with me every step of the way. He has proven his faithfulness time and again, and gives us the strength we need for each season of life. He has each of us in our exact seasons for a reason.
Kristi Muston
Kristi Muston has lived in Rochester since 2013. She is married to Michael and mother to Sophia. After teaching English for 9 years, Kristi is now a stay-at-home mom. In her spare moments, she loves reading, running, and eating dessert. At Calvary, she co-edits The Stir blog and is involved with the worship team and Renovare.