Love is… sacrificial

by Nancy Sobczak

I met my husband in college at the University of Minnesota, Duluth. I was in my senior year getting my bachelor’s degree in business administration. Steve, who was five years older, already had a degree in Pharmacy. He was back in college finishing up his second degree, a master’s in health and safety. Our first date was ice skating and our second was watching the sled dog races in Ely, Minnesota.
Steve was a high energy person, always on the go and ready to participate in any activity. He had so much vitality and enthusiasm for life, it was easy to fall in love. We got married shortly after college and spent about two years living in Vermont, and then we moved back to Minnesota where both of our extended families lived. 

Our early years of marriage were full of doing fun things and enjoying life together. We did have the challenge of dealing with opposite personalities, but we always seemed to make it work. Life was not always easy though. On one vacation early in our marriage, we got a call from the Red Cross notifying us that we were disaster victims! It turned out that our house had been broken into while we were away. Some items had been stolen and a fire had destroyed the house. It was a total loss. It was quite traumatic, but it was nice to be married and have each other to rely on and to be able to go through that tough time together. It turns out most things in a home are replaceable. I truly learned that God is God of the good times, and God is God of the bad times, and that I need to trust him at all times.

As the years rolled by, we had the joy of becoming parents to one son and two daughters. We had many great years raising our kids. Those years were busy ones with school activities and sports, business trips and vacations. Marriage was a lot of work, but also pretty easy too. I was fortunate enough to be able to be a stay- at-home mom during this time. Life coasted along with its typical ups and downs until one day Steve was given a life changing diagnosis, Parkinson’s Disease. This was early-onset Parkinson’s. Steve was only 41 years old. Even with this diagnosis, life pretty much went on as usual for more than a decade or so. Today, our kids are grown, and some are starting families of their own. We are both retired, and life has a different flavor. Steve’s Parkinson’s disease has progressed a lot. He has trouble with balance, with dementia, and speech.

Life is not so easy for him anymore, or for me. I have become his full-time caregiver. In the last two years, Steve has broken four ribs, had a hip fracture, and a total hip replacement. He spent nine days in the hospital and twenty days in rehab facilities. He continues to need a lot of therapy to just keep what abilities he has left. The toughest thing for me is that I can no longer always understand what he is saying. Being a full-time caregiver is a HARD job. I don’t feel like I always get it right, but I keep trying.

Because of Steve’s disability, I’m regularly putting his needs above my own. It is a big sacrifice. But when I think about it, isn’t that what love is – putting someone else’s needs before your own? Isn’t that what Christ did for us, giving the ultimate sacrifice of himself on the cross? Nowadays, we still enjoy spending time together, but it is a lot harder to find fun things that Steve is able to do. When my days feel particularly hard, I remind myself that this life is short, and eternity is long. I know Steve will have complete healing in heaven and that is something I can look forward to!

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Nancy, a long-time attender of Calvary, worked part-time in the church office for many years but is now retired. Some of her favorite things are Bible studies, reading, bike riding, and arts & crafts. She recently started oil painting. Every other Friday you can find her playing Pickleball with the ladies of Calvary.

Her favorite Bible verse is 2 Corinthians 4:16 – Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.