A book review by Melissa Meyers
Have you ever felt like you have hundreds of friends on your social media platforms but you have no one to invite over for dinner? Or if you ended up in the hospital, do you have a close friend or family member to call? Many people do not. According to Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, as a nation, we are in a crisis of loneliness. When he became the 19th Surgeon General of the United States in 2014, he thought he would be focusing his attention on heart disease, the opioid crisis, and tobacco-related issues. Instead, he found an even deeper issue, people feeling isolated in all walks of life, rural or urban. This book is a thoughtful and fascinating study on why we feel so alone, the importance of being connected, and how we can make small steps to change the course of our lives for better. Ironically, the book was published in early 2020. The Covid pandemic has since only exacerbated the issue, and in my opinion the information is even more timely than ever.
The book begins with Dr. Murthy’s journey as a new physician and his encounter with James, a middle-aged man, with high blood pressure and diabetes, who won the lottery several years earlier. James shared with Murthy his descent from having a satisfying life as a baker to living in an upscale community in loneliness and despair. Murthy realized that James high blood pressure and diabetes would not improve unless he found purpose again in life. Thus, a lifelong quest of treating the whole patient began for Murthy.
Murthy realizes that stories are the best way to introduce his material and the book has real life examples at every turn. He works through the hidden human cost of wealth and how it buys us distance. Distance from our neighbors, our relatives, and people in general. He gives examples of where community is still alive and strong, including faith communities. The first section of the book is divided into understanding the issue and the second session of the book on how to build a more connected life.
“Everyone, at virtually every stage and station of life, needs friends. Friendship, in essence, is the social glue that keeps couples, families, kindred spirits, and communities together,” Dr. Murthy writes in the book. From there he goes on to explore that some of us are not that great at connecting and making friendship, and our society does not offer natural opportunities to connect like they once did. We do not need to feel bad that we struggle to connect, but to realize that there are ways we can still connect with others. This might be through volunteering, a club, or a religious community. The need for deep connection still exists in each one of us.
Personally, I found this book so important for people of faith to read. The author does not shy away from expressing the importance of religious communities and the support that they offer, but we also know that people can go to church every week and feel terribly alone. Are we a person that makes others feel welcome? Are we a church that offers real community besides that greeting at the door? The book challenged me to examine my personal relationships and spheres of influence. It spurred me on to not only make more time for others, but to realize when I do, it makes a difference in their lives and mine. I think it will do the same for you.
