by Kristi Muston
During my years as a teacher, I always struggled with handling my students’ relationship with technology and social media, especially in the classroom. While my high schoolers had laptops for class, many preferred to use apps on their phones or other websites during class instead of working on English (surprised, right?). As a millennial, I understand the draw. I was the first generation to have access to the internet throughout my middle and high school years. I lived a mostly internet-free childhood, and then my adolescence was partly shaped by the internet, social media, and instant messaging; I understand the pull technology has on people. When I had my own children, I really started to think more specifically about how to establish clear boundaries and limits for screen time in a culture that more often than not allows even young toddlers to sit in front of screens for several hours a day.
So I was grateful when I stumbled across Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane’s book Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World. It is an easy and quick read, but a very applicable one too. Chapman and Pellicane discuss the importance of teaching your children interpersonal skills that will help them succeed in building meaningful and intimate relationships. The skills Screen Kids focuses on are affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. In each chapter, the authors provide personal examples of how technology negatively impacts one of these skills and suggest a variety of ways to help model and teach the skill instead. I feel that parents are often shamed by others when their children or family are overly dependent on screens, but that was not the feeling of this book at all. Screen Kids was very positive throughout and focused on the quick changes you can make today regardless of what has happened in the past. The goal was to create more positive moments together as a family, to build your child’s sense of empathy, and to help them find success in the future.
One of the most impactful sections for me was the “screen safe family pledge.” Chapman and Pellicane list different “I will” statements that provide safe and clear boundaries for children and technology. This pledge is a great launching point for my husband and I to have discussions about boundaries and limits as our girls age.
Screen Kids always caused me to reflect on my own technology habits, specifically with my cell phone. It is often in my pocket with me throughout the day and while I use it to capture pictures of our day, it becomes too easy to open a social media or news app, or play a game on my phone rather than be present in the moment. Screen Kids helped me to rethink my own habits with technology. If I want my children to have a healthy relationship with technology, I need to model that myself. How often am I scrolling my phone instead of being present with them?
I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn more about balancing screen time in their home, classroom, extended family, etc. (there is also a “Grandparents Edition”). The book has a Christian focus, and the authors tie back to Chapman’s “love languages,” but I believe it is a good read for non-Christian parents as well. The interpersonal skills described are essential for anyone.
While my daughters are still toddlers, I have seen how quickly they are drawn to screens and how interested they both are in “mom’s phone” or a children’s show on t.v. This book was helpful in providing some ideas of how to set reasonable guidelines for technology as they get older, and what skills we can focus on building alongside them to counteract some of the relational limitations technology holds.
Kristi Muston has lived in Rochester since 2013. She is married to Michael and has two daughters, Sophia and Elizabeth. After teaching English for 9 years, Kristi is now a stay-at-home mom. In her spare moments, she loves reading, running, and eating dessert. At Calvary, you will often see her chasing after her children, and occasionally reading scripture on Sunday mornings. She is also involved with Renovare and serves as a substitute preschool Sunday School teacher.