by Laura Kycek
After I led a summer book club on a book exploring the life of Elisabeth Elliot, my interests were piqued to discover more about her and more of her writing. When I started reading this I thought, “Oh good, some godly wisdom on raising boys to be god-fearing men.” Boy, was I in for a surprise!
Elisabeth Elliot’s 1981 book Mark of a Man, written to her nephew Pete who was seeking advice on finding a mate, is as applicable today as it was forty-four years ago. Although fashion, technology, architecture, and music have changed; the supremacy of Christ as the center of one’s life and how God designed male and female have not changed. Mark of a Man focuses on three categories and how they relate to one another: Christ, Males, Females.
Each man, woman, and subsequently marriage needs to rely on Christ. As so eloquently illustrated by Pastor Kyle in the sermon series “Marriage Clothes” – like a triangle with Christ at the center top, when each spouse draws closer to Christ, they draw closer to one another. We need leadership – and that leader is Christ.
While many view Elliot’s stance on marriage as outdated – biblically she is right on. A man is the head of a house as Christ is head of the church. He is the initiator. He is the leader of his wife and his family. Women, on the other hand, are to be the responders. We are complementary to males. God created males and females as equals but with different roles. Our differences are what make us beautiful. Elliot so beautifully states, “When men and women accept the sexual difference and enjoy it, they put color and design and variety into life…to equalize is to deprive of glory.” God made the sexes distinctly different and beautiful. Real men will gladly step into the role of sacrificial leadership and real women will be relieved and grateful when men are willing to be men.
So why are women trying to be more like men? And why are we taking away the male responsibility and initiator role? Perhaps because in our finite minds we feel everything should be the same, fewer differences and therefore less question. At the onset of this book, I was looking for a message of encouragement and direction for our boys. I did not expect to ponder my own femininity and response to male leadership. While Elliot calls into question the hairstyles of men and clothing choices of women in the 1980s, I stopped to ponder my own choices in those realms. I want to model for our boys the role of a mother comfortable being at home as well as feminine beauty derived from God. I want our boys to see that I am dependent on God, and their earthly dad derives his leadership from our Heavenly Father. She implores families, “There is no calculating the influence on the children when their father, by daily example, leads them to God.”
“If the husband can look upon his gift of initiation as a privilege, instead of a right; and if the wife can look upon her gift of response in the same way, instead of as an obligation, both might be surprised to find that Jesus’ promise actually comes true for them: The yoke proves to be easy, the burden light.”
For the male audience: Be a man; love God and love others as Christ has loved you. And to ladies: Be a woman and be accepting of your feminine nature. You are a beautiful mystery.
Laura Kycek (key-check) is a SE MN native and has been attending Calvary since 2013. Wife to Michael and mom to Andrew and Benjamin, she loves reading, embroidery, all things Disney, and snuggling with their dogs. Laura has been involved with Children’s Ministry at Calvary in various avenues: VBS, Sunday school, Awana and much more.