Supporting your college age kids

As college kids head back to school this month, mom of 3 college kids, Lila Manuell, shares some ideas for supporting them.

Tell me a little bit about each of your kids’ journeys in finding a college, their schools, and their majors.

Kayla

Kayla planned on attending college for Biochemistry.  Throughout the years, we saw Kayla possessed inherent physical therapist skills.  Kayla wasn’t interested in patient care.  I wasn’t sure where Biochemistry was going to take Kayla, but I prayed about it and hoped Kayla would see her natural talents.  We attended several colleges her junior year, and Kayla firmly decided on U of M Duluth.  Several months later, on a weekend visit to see Jeff’s mom in Wisconsin, I felt God directing us to visit UW La Crosse. After that visit, Kayla changed her mind with no turning back.

During her senior year, Kayla shared that many people told her she should work with patients, but she didn’t want to be a nurse.  I was excited to hear this and felt God move me to have Kayla watch YouTube videos of PT and OT personnel.  After this, Kayla decided to become a Physical Therapist.  It was no coincidence that UW La Crosse has a well-known Physical Therapy program.  Kayla is in her final year of school with clinical rotations and will graduate in May with a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree.

Austin

In fourth grade, Austin filled out a poster about himself. It had a section about: what you want to be when you grow up? Austin asked me what to put there, and I responded fireman, policeman, etc. He didn’t want to put any of those.  I had talked to a friend whose daughter was in college for pharmacy, so I told him to put pharmacist.  He hung on to that idea of being a pharmacist ever since then.  In middle school I asked him if he knew what a pharmacist did, which he didn’t, so we talked about their role.  Our children attended RCLS which had annual spelling bees.  From first through eighth grades, Austin won almost every year in both local and regional levels.  I couldn’t believe his ability to spell and pronounce these incredible words.  I felt God revealed to me then that this skill is an asset to becoming a pharmacist and that is probably what Austin was going to be.  Austin has started his second year in the pharmacy program at South Dakota State University in Brookings which has a six-year pharmacy program.  He will complete his Doctor of Pharmacy degree in 2025.

Ethan

Ethan has always been a curious, creative, and detailed-oriented kid.  He loves math, sciences, and physics.  In eighth grade Ethan did a science fair project on testing the life span of hearing aid batteries.  Most people when their hearing aid battery goes dead, quickly change it.  Ethan’s project showed to wait up to five minutes before placing in the new hearing aid battery would extend the life of the battery.  He used his Hex bugs (battery operated bugs) to test the batteries.  His project won awards at the MN State Science and Engineering Fair and got National recognition by a hearing aid company.  In his freshman year in high school, Ethan took Project Lead the Way classes which are hands-on STEM classes.  In one of his classes, they had professionals come in and share about their careers.  When a Biomedical Engineer came to visit, Ethan came home from school and shared that he knew what he wanted to do.  Ethan is a senior at University of Iowa which has a large focus on Biomedical Engineering.  He will be completing his Bachelor of Sciences Biomedical Engineering degree in May.

In what ways have you tried to support them and be there for them from a distance?

As a family, we all attended the college visits together. College visits can be overwhelming, and many ears and eyes helped capture information shared and shown.  We also made sure at least one of us attended the college orientations offered.  We helped seek out churches for our children to attend and got them connected to a campus ministry.  Calvary has a great program for seniors and parents, where they can help with this also.  We keep open communication with our children and let them know they can text or call any time.  We always text to see if it is a good time to call them and they will let us know when a good time is.  We also connect via Zoom, Facetime, or email.  We visit them once a semester and encourage visits home when possible.  I will text prayers, short devotions, or Bible verses to them.  When they have concerns about tests and presentations, I text to let them know I just said another prayer for them.  We want them to know they are loved and we are their biggest cheerleaders.

As your role changed to having your kids move out, what has been difficult for you?

I had a heartfelt sadness by the radical change and emptiness at home.  Most of my daily life revolved around the children, their school activities, sport events, and concerts.  It all halted.  Our family life and social life changed.  It was the end of a season of life that I sincerely enjoyed.  It was a grieving process for me!  Releasing them to college was a deeper grief for me and like all griefs, it takes time for healing. Grieving this transition is normal and healthy.  I took all my emotions and griefs to God.  He knows this story well as He sent His only Son off without His protection once upon a time as well.  God called us to be our children’s parents, but they are His first.  I eventually realized parenting wasn’t over – it was just a new season!

What’s some advice you have for other moms that are entering this phase of life?

A lot of my parenting has come from my relationships with other mothers who’ve gone before me.  There is value in community where we can be transparent about our triumphs and struggles.

Pray daily for your child’s heart and life.  Ask God to bring people into their lives who will be godly influences and help shape them in a positive way.  Praying is your biggest gift to your child, your greatest weapon against the enemy who stalks them, and your most certain source of peace.  Never cease praying for your children no matter how old they get.

You are still the parent and will ALWAYS be relevant and needed.  Continue to be available for your children.  It’s time to loosen our grip, open our hands, and release our children into God’s providential care. You’ve raised them to be the person they are, so let them be that person and place them into God’s care. Let them gain strength in their struggles and build resiliency.  Remember we survived and so will they!!!

What has been challenging about this phase of life?

The COVID pandemic produced many challenges with social distancing and on-line classes at college, and having all three of our kids doing college at home.  Our home was a tri-state university for several months. Roommates and housing, whether in dorms or apartments with leases and landlords, have their own set of challenges.  Finances are definitely complicated with each college having its own set of scholarships, grants, financial aid, and loans.

What has been an unexpected blessing?

We do love having college children! We love to travel to the different colleges, and it is rewarding to watch them make lives for themselves.   It is a blessing to see our grown children making responsible choices and wise decisions.  Parenting young adults is rewarding and deeply satisfying!